How do you deal with gaslighting? How do you differentiate gaslighting from respectful phrases?

First things first, knowing what gaslighting means is essential. In layman’s terms, it’s a psychological tactic in the form of manipulation that will make someone question his/herself and their point of view or even control the narrative.

The good thing is that we can easily distinguish if some phrases are respectful or gaslighting. Here are some samples:

A. Gaslighting
“You’re overreacting.”

Respectful phrases
“I now see that this is a very important issue for you.”

When someone gaslights you, they’ll emphasize powerful words like the phrase above to make you feel you’re OA. When someone respects you, they’ll understand that you’re acting differently because it’s something that’s a very important issue for you, whatever that issue is.

B. Gaslighting
“I’m sorry you tell that way.”

Respectful phrases
“I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

See the difference? They’ll blame you for telling you that way and never bother to say sorry for making you feel that way.

C. Gaslighting
“That’s not what happens.”

Respectful phrases
“That’s not how I thought it happened.”

They’ll see to it to manipulate the narrative and change the situation. When your partner respects you, they will take time to analyze what happened and apologize if a wrong move or decision has transpired.

D. Gaslighting
“You can’t take a joke.”

Respectful phrases
“I meant it as a joke, but it came across really wrong.”

It’s embarrassing to hear your partner say you can’t take a joke, especially if it’s not funny or below the belt. If what you meant was a joke, you can easily apologize for coming across wrong and not blame them anymore.

E. Gaslighting
“I guess I’m just a really bad partner.”

Respectful phrases
“What I did was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Doubting your feelings makes you feel guilty–that’s what gaslighting intends to do. Instead of admitting his wrongdoings, he/she will make you question yourself and your decisions.

It’s definitely true that the power of a few well-chosen words and a shift in tone may completely transform a phrase. Considering the difference between gaslighting and respectful phrases is important to avoid misconceptions between you and your partner.

If gaslighting isn’t your intention, make it clear by using the right phrases. #